[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”no” hundred_percent_height=”no” hundred_percent_height_scroll=”no” hundred_percent_height_center_content=”yes” equal_height_columns=”no” menu_anchor=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”center center” background_repeat=”no-repeat” fade=”no” background_parallax=”none” enable_mobile=”no” parallax_speed=”0.3″ video_mp4=”” video_webm=”” video_ogv=”” video_url=”” video_aspect_ratio=”16:9″ video_loop=”yes” video_mute=”yes” video_preview_image=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=””][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ layout=”2_3″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” hover_type=”none” border_size=”0″ border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” dimension_margin=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”no”][fusion_text]One of the most freeing notions I’ve ever come to understand is that people generally do the best they can with what they know at the time. In our me-centric-everyone-gets-a-trophy culture, it’s no wonder people have trouble taking responsibility for their poor choices and/or not so good actions. It’s much easier to complain and gripe or blame someone else. It’s easy to stay where you are and avoid the hard work of growing and changing. Because then, you might be wrong, you might lose your argument, feel ashamed. Many times its just fear that keeps us stuck. Fear of failure, judgment, abandonment, loneliness, etc. [/fusion_text][fusion_section_separator divider_type=”triangle” divider_position=”center” divider_candy=”bottom” icon=”” icon_color=”” bordersize=”” bordercolor=”#00bcd4″ backgroundcolor=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” /][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ layout=”1_1″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” hover_type=”none” border_size=”0″ border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” dimension_margin=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”no”][fusion_text]
Consider the extreme example of a young woman in an abusive relationship. If she does escape, it’s very common she will end up in another abusive situation. It’s likely she was abused growing up and this, sadly, is her “normal.” Or people living in poverty. Many times it’s generational and unfortunately, it’s their normal. Less extreme are those in our lives whose cup is half-empty all the time. They are just plain negative folks. Bless their hearts, they don’t know any better! Just recognizing that they don’t know any better, frees me of the need to judge or criticize and I’m able to love them more like Jesus.
More often than not, until we are faced with a personal crisis or major conflict challenging what we know to be true, and wrestle with God for understanding, we keep right on doing what we’ve always done. So now I’m thinking, can I avoid another storm…at least for a while?
If I want to be intentional about transformation and grow deeper spiritually as a Christ-follower… can I look in the mirror and ask the Holy Spirit to unveil what is in need of transformation for a clearer reflection of Christ?
Consider Saul before his conversion to the apostle Paul in Acts 9. He was a high ranking, educated Jew, who was defending God’s honor by killing the Christ-followers. He thought he was on target for Pharisee of the Year marching off to Damascus to take more prisoners when he was struck blind and got a talking-to from Jesus. What? Really? After this experience, you better believe he changed his tune! He then knew that Jesus really was the Messiah and he’d had it all wrong.
Marriage Problems
Looking back on a very difficult time early in my marriage, I can now be thankful because of what I had to learn the hard way. After nine years and two kids, my husband and I were headed for divorce and I was clinically depressed. To achieve the added descriptor “clinically” one has to have been depressed for two or more years and this was my first rodeo. Oh, but did I mention it was all his fault? ;o) My discontent and resulting depression were wrapped up in expectations of what I wanted and I needed, and what the culture was saying was my right. Mainly, I should be happy and he should be meeting my needs! Hmmm… Did Christ call us to be happy? Nope, not that I’ve ever read. Jesus said be obedient to what I’m saying is best for you. A hard lesson I had to learn.
It was in counseling where I had this epiphany. The counselor explained there are no “shoulds.” Any circumstance, situation, etc., just is what it is – it’s a past tense word that you can’t do anything about. A moot point. (First time to write that funny word… “moot.”) “Shoulds” many times come from our own expectations. I expected Gary to meet my needs based on how it was modeled to me growing up and it was the same for him. I expected he should know these things, duh. By telepathy, I suppose I didn’t know I had to communicate my needs. We were doing the best we could with what we knew at the time. As a result, we were unable to communicate in a healthy way what we needed from the other. You know the saying, “If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong?” Two very strong-willed people had a lot of learning to do and I had a lot of crow to eat.
When we know better, we do better is transformative. However, it requires a willingness to look at ourselves, openly and honestly, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to identify our beliefs, attitudes, and actions that keep us from becoming more like Jesus. Stripped down and vulnerable we can identify our insecurities that are keeping us from a wholehearted life. Are you up for it?
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